Defeating Dysfunctional Perfectionism

Perfectionism, also called “anankastic” personality disorder, is one of the most widespread pathologies in the professional field, and sometimes among highly valued professionals. The term “anankastic” comes from the goddess Ananké, from Greek mythology. She represents necessity and compulsion.  Ananké was always intertwined with her companion Cronos (god of time), guiding the rotation of the heavens and the endless passage of time. Necessity and time are the sum of the inevitable quest for perfection, and this is what the anankastic personality refers to.

The perfectionist has an excessively high level of demand with himself and with others. This leads to a tendency to judge, and to judge oneself, according to high standards and with the negative outcome that would be expected with such standards. Perfectionists are relentless judges of others, and especially of themselves.

These behaviors are underpinned by the belief that perfection is attainable and anything below that standard is “not acceptable”. As screenwriter Robert Bolt said, “A belief is not simply an idea that the mind possesses. It is an idea that possesses the mind.” Ideas are owned; beliefs are lived in.

A perfectionist does not easily contemplate intermediate positions and considers that things are either done right, or they are not. Such demanding standards prevent the enjoyment of many moments in daily life by not meeting the pre-set standards.  The result is the consequent frustration of not reaching, on a daily basis, the self-imposed parameters of perfection. The internal chemistry of the human body responds in the same way, no matter whether it is confronted with an anxiety-producing thought or a hungry animal trying to take our life. In either case, the body produces a rush of adrenaline and cortisol, putting the person in “stress mode” and generating a tunnel vision that prevents us from seeing all the relevant elements to get out of the situation.

Some recommendations to tackle perfectionism

The key to dealing with perfectionism lies, as always, within people. To win these battles, a specialist may be needed to provide support if the degree of perfectionism is advanced.

The inner battle aims to readjust the mental rules through which reality is evaluated, in order to achieve:

• Learning to value and love others, and oneself, with the imperfections inherent in human nature.
• Developing a healthy self-confidence.
• Making the approval of others have less influence on the evaluation of oneself.

To defeat perfectionism, one must focus more on people and less on tasks; one’s interpretation of reality must be more benign with oneself and with others; one’s mood must provide positive energy; the standards with which one operates must be reasonable; and, finally, one must develop habits that favor integration with others, not those that create unnecessary barriers.

Some of these other tips may also be useful:

• Schedule time for rest to recharge energies.
• Learn to love yourself for what you are, and not for what you do or for what others see in you.
• Replace “I have to” with “I want to”. Seek to do things well and be happy; not perfection for perfection’s sake.
• Take criticism, which you will always receive, as an opportunity to improve.
• Put more heart into relationships and prioritize people over tasks.
• Silence the inner critic. See with objectivity and compassion those aspects of yourself that may need more work and can still be improved.
• Foster personal relationships to share concerns. This will also help to resize problems.
• Force yourself to take action without waiting for the perfect conditions to begin, accepting mistakes as learning.
• Live in the present, not in the past or in the future.
• Stop ruminating on negative thoughts. Experts in psychology call “ruminating” the act of thinking repetitively about something, as it resembles the partial regurgitation of food that ruminants perform as a form of digestion. Every time we ruminate, we are chewing on something that has already been partially swallowed.
• Identify the 20% of the tasks that generate 80% of the results and invest the main energies in them.
• Thank others more often and get in the habit of giving positive reinforcement for the things others do for you.
• Find environments where you feel unconditionally loved, without the need to be perfect.

Becoming aware of the problem is already the first step for a perfectionist to reduce his or her predisposition to act in a dysfunctional way. On the way to re-educate the perfectionist, the four ingredients of change in people will have to be used: strong desire, intelligent accompaniment, technique and discipline.

No one lets go of an emotional attachment without finding a substitute. To counteract the security that “perfection” provides, perfectionists have to look for other sources with which to feed that same desire. One possibility is to cultivate the habit of excellence, where the human and the task are intertwined, and where the accent is on richness and inner growth.

A perfectionist stops suffering from the shadow of his pathology when he develops an intelligent heart, puts his energy into moving forward both at work and with people with the resources at his disposal, and when he forces himself to enjoy life with its constraints. Letting go of pounds of perfectionism helps to walk with panache along the paths of human fulfillment.